Pour one out for Microsoft Paint

I heard some weird news yesterday … the news isn’t what was weird, what was weird was how it made me feel… real weird, like ‘Twilight Zone’ weird.  Maybe it’s because this news made me feel old.  I did just hit thirty and got married… and the subject in question has been a constant for my entire life.


It was at 11:06am CT when I got the inbox alert.  I knew it was The Hustle newsletter. Having almost Pavlov-like response to The Hustle, I tend to automatically open any email that is delivered between 10:57 and 11:10am. BTW - if you don’t read The Hustle newsletter, do yourself a favor and subscribe now AND, if you're looking to send me an email to get my attention, perhaps your best shot is between 10:57 and 11:10 a.m... just saying. Near the end of the edition, there it was “Goodnight sweet Paint: a eulogy” linking to an article in The Guardian. 


Starting with the next update, Paint will no longer be apart of the Windows 10 suite. Gasp! I know.  Note, you can still get Paint, but you'd have to actively search and download it... ain't gonna happen. Regardless of the wave of nostalgia that hit me, I get it.  People aren’t using the app. But just thinking of its absence made all these memories of a kid come rushing back.


Circa 1995 at Bethany Elementary, I would migrate over to MS Paint because I found MS Word to be so, so … boring.  Yeah, in Word I could type for days, but if I wanted to add an image, I’d have to sift through their Busch* league ClipArt catalog.  That “art” was lame and knew I could do better.  Enter MS Paint.


In Paint, I could be abstract, change the background color, draw perfectly symmetrical shapes with the freedom to place them anywhere.  And then there was the airbrush.  Oh my, I LOVED the airbrush.  But quickly after my ode to airbrush went dry (yeah, I said it), I realized the list of Paint pros was quite short.  In fact, Paint did suck, even then. 


First, how horrific was that cursor or pen point?  There was always a lag between the way that you moved your mouse to “draw” and what appeared on the screen… nine times outta ten, you’d end up with a partially closed head on your stick figure or a weird tail on your circle.  That tail would lead to ultimate frustration and you’d furiously jumble around your mouse.  Then two seconds later those scribble lines would appear on your screen and ultimately ruin what was sure to be a digital masterpiece.   Which leads me to that BS eraser.  I’d have airbrush on the largest setting and then my eraser would always default to the size of a peppercorn.  Stupid.  Yeah, Paint sucked.


I actually don’t know what MS Paint is like today.  I’ve been an Apple user for about ten years now, but I’m assuming that not much has changed. Since it has been a decade, sounds like I’m not going to miss it all that much… kinda like when a Disney movie goes back into the “Disney Vault”.   It’s been 21 years since I’ve watched Aladdin and I think I still have three VHS copies stored at my mom’s house, but I still get nostalgic when Target stops selling the "remastered edition".


Ok, back to Paint, I guess this is my goodbye.  My mom thanks you for the hundreds of “I Love Mommy” pieces that decorated the fridge… I’m sure nowadays Moms receive a gaggle of ‘I Love You’ Tweets, texts and Snaps, but surely,  in the end, their refrigerators are little more naked.


Until Next Time-

Ashley "Warhol" Connell


* It has not escaped me that my two previous blog posts mention a member of the Budweiser family. I told myself that I’d refrain in this post.  But well, lookie there.  And for all of you beer snobs out there, please know that I'm not even a fan of Budweiser/BudLight.  Actually, it’s my least favorite of the “water with foam” varieties behind Miller and Coors… but I digress.  Now, reread the title and assume it’s an Anheuser-Busch product ;)

Ashley Connell